Disclaimer: I don’t
know if this post will bother any people that know me. I took some time considering if I should say
anything at all. It relates to recent
church conflicts, though not in detail.
However upsetting what I have to say may be, I do not write to make
people happy. I write to make them think,
and I’m sure some of what I have to say is also true of other churches.
It’s a
wonderful feeling to be wanted, to know that you very truly are. While subbing today in one of my favorite
rooms, the classroom aid, knowing the teacher would be out said she thought to
herself before coming in “I hope Miss Plumridge is in today, it would make my
day easier.” Thank you, thank you for
showing your appreciation, and thank you to the students. It’s a wonderful and overwhelming feeling to
be around such positivity. I suppose
that’s because my own mind is so negative.
It’s nice to see high school students who know my name and actually use it, students
who greet me happily every time I see them.
Despite that making me feel so great, life seems to counterbalance the good with the bad. I can’t always be funny. Actually my humor only really surfaces when I’m angry or facing extreme anxiety, or if I happen to come across a picture of a Disney character I like. They represent emotions I can’t always convey well. For a person who likes to write, I often think I can’t find the words to describe my feelings. I said anxiety causes my humor, but I guess not always. What I’m going to write below pertaining to the church brings out some anxiety, but also a sadness I didn’t feel the depth of until I finished writing it all out. I wrote more than I’m posting, but this is the essence of it all.
The conflict within the church has nothing to do with me. I’m just a bystander. Give me a reason to stay, seriously please. This is not a confrontation, but a plea. I want a reason to stay beyond my pretty young face and ability to have children. Looking back on my time in this church it seems that I’ve been appreciated for my youth more than anything else (from some people, of course not everyone)
The church should grow from the outside as much as from within. I once came from outside of the church. I was only there a few years. Recently it’s seems as if the church is only welcoming to some and not all. Some members have been pushing to do more outreach, while others have sat in silence, perhaps hoping to tire the efforts of people whom they disagree with. You squashed the hopes and dreams of some of the most amazing people I know.
By not wanting to do outreach, I feel as if the church might as well have denied me too. I used to think the church was welcoming, but I’m beginning to see that although they may greet those who walk in the door with genuine regard, they are not inviting. If I was valued, then why aren't people from the neighborhood? The only difference between me and them is that I was invited by someone from inside and they were not.
At least I know there is value beyond my pretty young face elsewhere. But what if I didn’t? What if I didn’t have other strong supports in my life? I certainly would not be the at least somewhat happy and stable person I am. Churches are supposed to be pillars of support. I am fortunate to have found a few people in this church whom I can fellowship with and look up to, though unfortunately that is far from the majority.
Despite that making me feel so great, life seems to counterbalance the good with the bad. I can’t always be funny. Actually my humor only really surfaces when I’m angry or facing extreme anxiety, or if I happen to come across a picture of a Disney character I like. They represent emotions I can’t always convey well. For a person who likes to write, I often think I can’t find the words to describe my feelings. I said anxiety causes my humor, but I guess not always. What I’m going to write below pertaining to the church brings out some anxiety, but also a sadness I didn’t feel the depth of until I finished writing it all out. I wrote more than I’m posting, but this is the essence of it all.
The conflict within the church has nothing to do with me. I’m just a bystander. Give me a reason to stay, seriously please. This is not a confrontation, but a plea. I want a reason to stay beyond my pretty young face and ability to have children. Looking back on my time in this church it seems that I’ve been appreciated for my youth more than anything else (from some people, of course not everyone)
The church should grow from the outside as much as from within. I once came from outside of the church. I was only there a few years. Recently it’s seems as if the church is only welcoming to some and not all. Some members have been pushing to do more outreach, while others have sat in silence, perhaps hoping to tire the efforts of people whom they disagree with. You squashed the hopes and dreams of some of the most amazing people I know.
By not wanting to do outreach, I feel as if the church might as well have denied me too. I used to think the church was welcoming, but I’m beginning to see that although they may greet those who walk in the door with genuine regard, they are not inviting. If I was valued, then why aren't people from the neighborhood? The only difference between me and them is that I was invited by someone from inside and they were not.
At least I know there is value beyond my pretty young face elsewhere. But what if I didn’t? What if I didn’t have other strong supports in my life? I certainly would not be the at least somewhat happy and stable person I am. Churches are supposed to be pillars of support. I am fortunate to have found a few people in this church whom I can fellowship with and look up to, though unfortunately that is far from the majority.
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