Follow up on my imperfections, the not as humorous version

               I dropped a bottle of syrup at the grocery store yesterday. A nice man picked it up for me and talked a bit about his arthritis. It’s very rare that someone recognizes my clumsiness much less makes me feel okay about it. I want to clear something up, I am okay. I’ve posted a lot recently on Facebook about how clumsy I am. It’s normal, for me anyway. I’ve come to a deep understanding of myself and what is normal for me. None of those things are new, I’m just learning to be a more humorous and open person. I haven’t had enough humor in my life. I suppose the average person isn’t at all that clumsy. There are likely a number of things that contribute to the way I am, maybe migraines, sleeping troubles, low blood pressure or other things.

               All those little things add up, little things I can’t do much about, just accept them as part of who I am. I’ve spent enough time letting them frustrate me or hold me back.  Despite any of those things I don't just do "the best I can".  I do well and I promise I'm still a normally functioning human being.

               Part of the reason I’m so open on social media is because writing is much easier than talking…so much easier. I’m a bit of an introvert (maybe more than just a bit). There’s a whole big part of me I don’t express. I can’t even really explain why. Some of it is I don’t want people to see exactly how off I can be at times, mostly from the perspective of my mental capacities not always being at their best. I know I’ve been called weird too more than the average person, and in my adult life I wonder if in particular moments it was a set-back. I don’t need reassurances that it’s not, that I am not or have never been weird, or that everyone is weird in some way. There are levels of weirdness that I think only the slightly weird truly understand.

               A part of myself I don’t express around people is my concern about many issues in the world, so I share articles on Facebook. I know there’s nothing I can do about most of those things, that I don’t have a deep enough understanding. I also know there’s hardly anything I can do to affect the way others think. Some of the things I do understand well enough though are introversion, frustration, silent illnesses, losing a parent before you're fully an adult, and things just not being right or going well. I’ve spent more of my life feeling unhappy than being happy. I am clueless as to how many people, close to me or not recognize that fact. I don’t care if people see that in me. I really don’t care what a lot of people think of me because I know I’ll get over it and I’m learning to create my own happiness. What I do care about is other people that feel like me, and the many people that feel way worse. There are so many, a few I know personally, whose pain goes unrecognized, pain short-lived and pain that is woven throughout too much of their lives.

               There are so many people trying to hide parts of who they are. It’s not always easy and some things slip through the cracks. My main purpose in writing this is that I want people to recognize that faults exists but they shouldn’t matter. I’ve had a few of my faults that I felt just wrecked things, particularly on the job front. Everyone cares deeply about their friends and relatives and they don’t see the faults or don’t think they matter. Though there are times, I’ve witnessed this in my life and in others, where near strangers don’t understand and they judge. The problem is that too often people don’t realize when they are making a judgement. There’s the saying “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” That saying is not enough; many of the people you say that to have trouble adopting the mindset. A few words can’t fix deeply seeded feelings or anxiety. Be the person who doesn’t matter and doesn’t mind. We need more of those people in the world. The whole world could use more nice people in grocery stores. When someone you only know a little bit makes a mistake, big or small. don’t see the mistake, see the person above all.

               To the people who might feel like me, I hope I am inspiring you to accept your imperfections.