Why you might not want to trust me with everyday objects

              I’m clumsy. I’m completely imperfect, the most imperfect person I know really. Don’t let my occasional sarcasm fool you and say I’m not. I may be unaware of my surroundings at times, but I’m okay with that. My goal in life is to be a teacher, and since I don’t have a full time job, instead of teaching art I will teach the world that imperfection is okay. Now I’ve been perfect for the past 18 hours, haven’t had a single clumsy act or moment of forgetfulness since dropping carrots on the floor yesterday, so with that level of perfection I don’t know if I can relate to the lowly imperfect people in the world, but I’ll try.
               Since writing that sentence 2 seconds ago I remembered I also dropped my phone last night, so that’s 13 hours of perfection. I suppose now I can relate. Here are some of my not quite best moments I’ve posted on Facebook:

• This morning I was doing something at my computer and stopped to put a note in a cup of pencils that happened to be sitting 6 inches away from my coffee. Ten minutes later I had a delightful sip of folded paper infused with the essence of coffee.  I'm going to pretend that was the only clumsy thing I did all day. Please reassure me that clumsy and unaware are positive job attributes.
• A lesson I learned today: Don't keep candles next to plants. You will inevitably water the candle because you are not a morning person.
• I'm not a morning person. This is evidenced by me turning on the coffee maker without a cup under it. That's okay maybe everyone wants to start their day cleaning up a coffee spill. I'll pretend that's true so I can feel better about myself. Learn from my mistakes world.
• My soup dropping skills are seriously impressive. Soup spread 5 feet across one wall and 3 feet across another. The really amazing thing is that there's a wall between the two covered in soup. I dare you to try and rival that.
• I spilled catnip while putting it in a toy, then cleaned it up using a lint roller. Monster decided the lint roller makes a better toy.

Other odd and clumsy moments I remember:

Once I didn’t notice Monster Cat walk into the fridge when I had the door open.  He spent 2 hours there before I discovered him.

When teaching painting I stressed to the students not to drop the paint containers, even if the paint doesn’t spill it could crack the container.  I was the only one to drop the paint in that week and a half, and on the very last day of painting.  I’m not sure my pants, the floor, and computer chairs particularly appreciated it.